a 5 minute phone call

I am faced with one of the most frustrating and worrying experiences I've ever had. The situation with my Mom and Dad is just going from bad to worse.

Mom fell again and hit her hip this time. When I heard that she fell again it was downright scary-probably the worst thing that could happen to her. Well, I know there are worse things, but with her already laying in bed ALL THE TIME with a backache that no one is clear about how bad it is or even the validity of situation. That's a really sad thing that we don't know even if any of it is in her head. In a way I hope it is real and not imagined. It would seem that that would be easier to deal with. But none of this is easy to deal with.

So, after much haggling with myself as there are other issues on top of this issue that keep me from calling, I called today. Which I didn't do on Christmas OR New Years. The shame is on me; it is all bad on my part. No excuses. But I do have my reasons. My relationship with Dad has never been good and during difficult times it's all the worse. I really don't want him to answer the phone because it seems to always be uncomfortable small talk with us. And I just expect the same old thing with Mom.

Which on the face of it must seem so cowardly and selfish of me. I suppose it is, but my emotions get the best of me and I can't seem to deal with this rationally. How they're living seems so hopeless to me. I shouldn't presume I know the whole story but I do know they never get out, Mom basically stays in bed all day, and therefore they have little interaction with the outside world. Other than through TV. I can't imagine how they get along with each other day in and day out. I feel like they barely tolerate each other .

Frankly, it seems that Mom has given up and has no plans to make any effort to change. Like I said, I don't know how bad or how real the pain is, but my last phone call with her just makes it all the more confusing.

After telling me about fall and her hip, (which I already knew about after talking to Shannon), I asked her how the other area of her back was feeling. She told me that it is cured. Yeah, I don't know what to say or think about that. Trading one excuse for another to stay in bed.

She acts upset that Mike and Lynne are coming over today, (they're going to ski tomorrow), but if you press her she's got no reason to be worried and she knows it. What is she worried about? That they'll make her get out of bed? Which they will, I'm sure.

Then I press a little bit more and ask her flat out if she plans on staying in bed all the time... for some indefinite future? Her reply is that it is depressing. Well, yeah, it is.

I knew I was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. Our entire conversation lasted 5 minutes. There really isn't anything to talk about and that, too, is so sad.

I question if she's as calm as she pretends to be. This isn't my Mom, not how I ever would have imagined she'd become. I cannot figure out what can be done, what I should do, that will help my parents get out of this rut. I honestly think it's going to take a miracle.

This is from July 4, 2010.

If you read this far you might enjoy these two funnies. Of course they come from Wes.

Sunday night I was talking with Wes about his new Primary teachers and as usual I reminded him that not everyone appreciates sarcasm; you need to get to know them better. (Not saying he should be sarcastic, but the fact is...), He told me not to worry cuz he has a way of making people like him.

Today was the first day back at school after Christmas break. Yesterday he had spacers put in his teeth in preps for getting his braces on Thursday. His mouth is understandably sore, but he made it through the day. He's also exhausted from a lack of sleep. I asked him about his day and he said he was quiet today and didn't make the class laugh. I thought he said he was bummed by that, but what he really said is that the WHOLE class was bummed by his teeth hurting cuz that meant no jokes from him.