take time to realize

Those words keep repeating in my head and I think it's for a reason. And not just because I keep hearing it on the radio. Instead of living in the past, I need to realize that what is past is done and there's nothing I can do about that. I could, (and will), interject my theory of a type of time travel in which we re-live times in our past of our choosing, times that are truly wonderful. Times in which your life changed dramatically. Times that your heart was too full to take in the whole experience. OF COURSE the caveat being that these be the times WE choose.  I've gotta feeling that would be the deal breaker. A girl can theorize though. I really do think that it may be possible. Now I will click my heels 3 times. Which is difficult while I'm wearing my ubiquitous flip flops. ouch.

Yeah I know I just contradicted myself a bit there, but I am a study in contradictions, so deal.

Like I said, those words, "take time to realize" have been making me think. I've been a pretty big mess since the wedding and I think the reason why is that although I expected to feel a great let down from the all the planning and the excitement and the ultimately perfect, (in my mind), day, I did not expect the feelings of grief which have assaulted me. I didn't expect to cry. Well, that's not entirely true. I just didn't expect to cry when I did. I thought I'd cry through the wedding and the reception. But NO, it hit me just as they ran through the sparkler send off. Then I burst into tears. Not anymore though. Now I simply sit on the floor and whimper. I exaggerate. A little.

I am not writing this with any intention of garnering pity. I don't feel pitiful. I just think it's time for me to realize that I must let go. Easier said than done!

I have words of advice. Which is my job, being a mom and all. The difference is now that I have all this advice to share, I cannot make anyone listen. (Could I ever?)

So listen up.

First. Do not have children. Just kidding. Kinda. This is what children do to you. They leave you. (Don't get me wrong, I'd rather they leave home than become a woman/man-child. Kinda.)

If you insist on having children, remember remember that they GROW UP. (And leave you). Remember this in the midst of what I consider the hardest part of parenthood, potty training. Remember this when you feel like time has stopped and you are trapped with a screaming baby or babies. And remember this when your teenagers turn rebellious and disrespectful and become drug addicts... well I never really had to (yet) go through that... but I'm pretty sure that's another case of remember that time does pass, even though it seems that somethings will never end.

Second. It's kind of backwards, but the next thing I have advice about is marriage.

Marriage is HARD. I say that even though my marriage has been pretty darn easy. That's cuz I've lived a little bit and realize that I'm truly blessed to have the husband which I do have. Maybe it's not so much that marriage is difficult but that life is. Yes. I think I just figured that out.

I see a young couple, so in love, ready to take on their new lives. (And leaving me, btw). I am ecstatic for them. I have total faith in them. I know they're in love and have the solid footing of a temple marriage which will get carry them through the trials which life has in store for everyone. If they take advantage of that blessing.

I promise if you work at being a good wife/husband and treat each other with respect and as your trust grows, your marriage will get better and better. Even as life may become harder and harder. NEVER ever do something that will hurt that trust. I can't even say that from my own experience, but from other's. Because me and K have always had complete trust in each other. I've never had to worry about K doing anything to violate that trust and I know he knows he can trust me. Remember the covenants you made with each other in the Temple.

Tell each other EVERYTHING. (But that doesn't mean saying hurtful things in the heat of an disagreement/argument or making snide comments when she/he does that thing or things that annoys the crap out of you). Have a 'no secrets' policy. And seek one another's advice. Everything you do should be in the best interest of the other.

Kiss each other good night. Which may not seem like an issue now, but unfortunately life can make us lazy and neglectful. PRAY together. START NOW and it will become an invaluable part of your marriage.

AND I have to say, even though this will embarrass you, my best advice for a happy marriage: have lots of lots of seh. (Now you're really gonna leave me.)

I realize that part of my problem of letting go is the fact that J and I spent A LOT of time together. They weren't always good times, (we're too much alike), but I think a bond was formed that I didn't realize until now. And now I need realize that really, she's not just mine anymore. Which makes me sad. Happy sad, not sad sad, if that makes any sense.

I wonder if my parents wanted to kill me when I left them.